Monday, October 3

Gambling and the Alternate Universe Tim Guy: An Adventure

I was stocking drinks with Anthony (Donovan co-worker and generally cool guy, not Fearless Druid Leader who is also a cool guy) when Mike (the poor victim of Danny's subversion and lies) came up all of a sudden, grabbed my shoulder, and said that the answer to the question is "yes." Startled at the sudden human contact, I was completely bewildered? Question? What question? Ah, the bet. I had made the bet with Dan in complete confidence that I would win. Surely, I am not pretty! Surely, I would win $.20 from Dan at Mike's confirmation of this. However, I had not factored in Mike's polite nature and Dan's subversive lies. And of course, who would tell a big guy like Dan that his girlfriend isn't pretty?

I knew the whole thing was Dan's doing, his scheming put in motion to win the bet, when it was mentioned that many people I don't know also agree. This was the second bet in a week I'd lost to Dan, the first being my bet of $.10 that the PWG wouldn't come to pagan group on Wednesday. There was only one thing to be done: Dan and I would each write down a type of cereal, and if Anthony pulled the one either of us had written down, there would be a winner.

Uh, except that Anthony had just run off on break and Dan would hear none of it! There was only one thing to be done: scratchcard!

The scratchcard would, of course, be bought from the Tim Horton's/ Shell Station where works the Alternate Universe Tim Guy. A bit of background on the Tim Guy: he hassles customers who wish to exploit mistaken prices (as per the earlier entry), and asks them to do him favors which aren't favors to him, but advice he wishes to be followed (stay away from that kid on the bike!). He has the demeanor of a robot.

I walked up and Alternate Universe Tim Guy said, "Here comes trouble." Not having anything to say to that, I ordered. Tank. Hazelnut. Cream, sugar. One addiction-furthering beverage coming right up! Halfway through the Tank-assembling, Alternate Universe Tim Guy said, "I'm going to give you something new and different."

Me: (thinking Tim Guy was making a joke, I made a joke in turn) What, cream?
Tim Guy: Oh! Are you allergic to cream?
Me: No.
Tim Guy: Are you sure.
Me: No, I'm not allergic. What's this new and different thing?
Tim Guy: (does not answer, but then sets down a sample cup of pink liquid which looked like foamy Pepto-Bismol) It's raspberry.
Me: This is something new you're trying? What is it?
Tim Guy: It's like a hot smoothie. It's raspberry.
Me: (after taking a sip) So, it's basically a flavored steamed milk?
Tim: Yes, it's a cappucino without the cappucino.
Me: It's good. (Tim Guy sets down the coffee)
Tim Guy: Will that be all? (starts to ring up the coffee before I can answer)
Me: I think I'll get a few chocolate TimBits too. Six, please.
Tim Guy: (mutters something about his confused world and gets the TimBits) They're annoying to ring up, because I have to do it individually.
Me: You can't just use the @ key? Six at .13 each?
Tim Guy: No, because they won't let us do that because if we did... (mumbles off about what sound like nonexistent TimRules). Have a nice day.

The convenience store counter on the other side of the room didn't have a Crossword scratchcard, so I went to the Cumberland Farms down the street which, by the way, has gas for $2.81 per gallon. The two sales clerks had a miscommunication about the scratchcard. I scratched the card during Shoreline production, and came *thisclose* to winning as Dan (Shoreline exec editor, not loving subversive gambler boyfriend) told about the feminist poetry reading we went to and the Anchor guy who will hopefully mention Shoreline in his article.

I should ask Fearless Druid Leader Anthony if it is possible for a single person to be in a permanent Mercury retrograde.


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